So…How Was Your Working Parents Day?

Just wondering…did this week’s recognition of Working Parents Day change your life in any way?  I’m not a betting person yet I’ll wager not.  Yesterday was likely the same as today and tomorrow will likely follow suit.

Here’s the thing…I’m all for bringing attention to causes.  Hell…I support many myself and applaud those who work tirelessly to raise awareness and generate support for anything that will help another person.  Or many other people.  But I do have a problem with a day coined “Working Parents Day” when the reality is that a day hardly does this cause justice.

I’ve said it before and will continue to say it — working parents have a herculean task that faces them at sunrise every day and doesn’t end until their weary bodies fall into bed at night.  And why do they do it?  Because they value their efforts and contributions at work as they hold dear their roles as Moms and Dads.  As they should.  And they shouldn’t have to choose.

Married or single parent.  One child or several.  Raising a middle schooler or guiding a college junior.  Family support or at the rodeo alone.  Self-employed or employee.  Each and every working parent deserves recognition that goes far beyond the day set aside to do so.  Instead of assigning a name to a day, why don’t we start to truly listen to working parents and do better at meeting their needs.

Many companies are definitely doing a great job of providing a multitude of supports and programs to help all their employees be productive, engaged, and healthy.  Yet many companies are still far behind the curve and even in those organizations where exceptional benefits are the norm, working parents continue to struggle.  And part of the reason is that their needs, for better or worse, are different.  And these differences mean different solutions.

We tend to take notice when a societal crisis hits and then scramble to try to figure out why it happened and what immediate solution can mitigate the seriousness of the situation.  It’s the reactive vs. proactive mode of operation, one that rarely succeeds.  And if we really take a minute to examine this crisis, it involves our children who require far more from their parents today — and I don’t mean more i-Phones or designer clothes — than ever before.  They need time.  Years ago it was latchkey kids.  Today it’s an explosion of afterschool programs to keep children involved vs. walking the streets.  But the buck begins and ends with parents and many are unable to stretch any farther.

So for those who created Working Parents Day, I say forget the day.  Instead, let’s take a look at how we can help the Dad who can’t get out of the office before 6:00 knowing his son’s softball games start at 4:30.  Or the Mom whose childcare provider continues to call in sick…at 7:00 when she leaves for work at 7:15.  These are real issues facing real people with real children depending upon them to find solutions.

If this day is celebrated next year, how about giving every working parent Working Parents Day off.  Now this would make a difference.

SIDE NOTE:  My blog is moving to our website — http://www.Education-Navigation.com — shortly so please visit me there.  I welcome your comments and more…

 

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Hurray…It’s Working Parents Day

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been waiting all year for today.  One day dedicated to recognizing the people who “bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan.”  Only this isn’t a line from an old TV commercial about women but a reality about *every* working parent.  The people who spend their days (or nights) generating an income for baby clothes, school supplies, dance lessons, pediatrician visits, braces, school trips, and the millions of other expenses that it takes to raise their children to adulthood.  And with adulthood coming later and later, often well *into* adulthood as well.

I don’t know about you, but Working Parents Day should be celebrated every day.  It isn’t enough and certainly minimizes the herculean job of working parents who are trying to balance – or as I prefer – integrate two competing roles and responsibilities.  They often say that unless you’re in it, you don’t get it, yet every working parent knows the juggling act required.  Some days work and others are nightmares.  Some days are all about putting out fires at work and at home.  Some days, a 10-minute bathroom break no matter where it may be is likely the only break possible until they fall into bed for a few hours of sleep before it starts all over again.

I don’t know about you, but working parents are the people in our society who deserve the kudos…and more.  They are keeping businesses in business while raising the next generation leading us into the future.  They’re meeting deadlines and making clients happy while making sure that their children are educated, safe, and have a decent breakfast every day.  No combination of jobs or roles is harder or more significant.

So while I don’t know about you, what I do know is that every working parent — married or single, white or blue collar, working days or night shift, raising children with or without special needs…every working parent deserves more than a day.  They deserve support, recognition, decent wages, flexible work hours, paid family leave, affordable child care, support for their child’s education, the ability to step off and step back, and genuine appreciation for a job well done each and every single day.

Business leaders need to stop and consider just where their businesses would be without working parents.  They need to recognize that some working parents need more flexibility and others need specific benefits.  They need to understand that working parents are working hard to be “top performers” yet sometimes the push/pull requires difficult choices.  And they should never forget that the child who needs Mom at home for two days due to the flu or the teen who wants Dad to visit colleges with them are the same people who will be filling the roles in their businesses tomorrow.  So hurray for Working Parents Day.  As far as I’m concerned, it’s 365 days a year.

SIDE NOTE:  My blog is moving to our website — http://www.Education-Navigation.com — shortly so please visit me there.  I welcome your comments and more…

 

The Juggle & Struggle Of Work/Life

The supermarket is a great place to tap into the pulse of people’s lives.  I don’t eavesdrop, but discussions often occur in such a way that I’m sure the people doing the talking must think they’re in a bubble and can’t be overheard.  I could write a book on the things I’ve heard while shopping for bread and grapes.

Standing at the deli counter over the weekend, I heard two women — who had not seen each other in a while — sharing their respective “tsoris” (Yiddish for suffering or hurt).  One was doing most of the talking about her elderly father who needed to move into an assisted living facility while her pre-teen child was going through different angst.  I could relate (and wanted to say so) since I went through the independent living/assisted living/nursing home/hospice nightmare with my own father several years ago while my child was dealing with bullying in school.  I could see in her face — and I only glanced quickly — that she was barely functional.

There was no way to know whether this woman was also working outside of the home but if so, her candle was not burning at both ends but was about to be extinguished.  Issues of this magnitude have a significant impact on the job.   Anyone who has a life knows all too well how family issues impact all else.  And because life isn’t linear nor do these life situations present themselves in succinct packages where you deal with one thing, complete it, and move onto the next, chaos becomes a way of existence.

Work/life is a “juggle and a struggle” but just as importantly, it’s not an either/or scenario.  While every employee at every life stage is dealing with different issues, one thing is for sure … it’s a rare individual who is facing just one work/life challenge.  Rather, issues often arise together or back-to-back, creating a push-pull ripe with conflict and forcing a rapid shift in priorities, all while taking a daily toll on the individual in every aspect of life.

A single person vs. a working parent.  Someone with medical issues vs. someone facing retirement.  An employee with financial pressures vs. one with elder care needs.  Every need and situation is different and “best” companies are constantly searching for ways to respond.  Yet it’s essential that organizations also recognize that it’s not an either/or scenario … that many employees are dealing with more than one issue and many times, more than one at a time.

Easing the pain requires a combination of solutions and an understanding that when one thing abates, another may quickly take its place.  Or that some issues are never discussed and fly under the radar.  Sometimes an employee can barely catch his/her breath before it hits the fan again and while the fan keeps on spinning, so does the employee.

There’s really no difference between the ebb and flow of business and the ebb and flow of life.  With one exception.  I’ve yet to hear anyone in the supermarket talking about profit margins or sales quotas, but do hear plenty about marriages, children, parents, divorces, foreclosures, and the need for vacations.  It’s not that people aren’t thinking about work deadlines and projects, but they’re certainly not discussing them at the deli counter.

A Discussion Whose Time Has Come

I love pets.  Dogs, cats…wonderful creatures.  They share our homes and make us laugh in YouTube videos.   They’re special members of our families.  I used to have pets so I get it.  Truly.  And I know that comparing a Collie or short-hair to anything else is probably unfair.  But life isn’t always fair.

In the world of work/life where companies are striving for employees be happy and productive, many are offering “pet insurance” to ease the financial pressures pet owners face.  The thinking is that employees will worry less about the vet bill and more about the looming client deadline.  I’m in favor of anything that helps an employee balance — or better juggle — their often competing life responsibilities.  Which brings me to the comparison.

I just read an article where the focus was parents talking to parents about what to expect when their child is diagnosed with autism.  Nothing new, as I’ve spent 14 years *listening* in corporations, online forums, parent support groups, and a host of other places where parents come together to share the “real scoop” on life pre and post an autism diagnosis.  I’ve heard most of it and with every story heard, I find myself shaking my head both in disbelief and admiration.

In this recent article, one parent said: “Be prepared to go into debt, borrow from family, increase your mortgage, take out a line of credit to pay for interventions…”.   Go into debt.  Borrow from family.  Take out a line of credit. Can you imagine being a parent who needs to take out a loan to get your child what he or she needs?  Sitting down with your parents to ask them for money so their grandchild can learn to speak … or make a friend?  Trying to decide whether you can keep working to pay off that loan or repay your parents (not to mention pay for all the *other* needs) when the time you’ll need to orchestrate your child’s daily and weekly schedule will take far more than two weeks paid vacation or short-term family leave?

Which brings me back to pets.   I realize this may not be popular with the “pet set,” but if — as a former HR Director with a choice to make — I had to choose between supporting the needs of employees with children or pets, children win.  Hands-down.  Before the barbs are tossed, it’s important to say that in an ideal world, every employee’s needs would be supported so that everyone would be fully productive and engaged.  But this isn’t the ideal world and choices are part of the equation.  Companies grapple with decisions about where to put their limited benefits dollars and how many choices to offer employees when benefits options are included.  But — and my shield is poised — there’s a huge difference between helping an employee pay for a flea treatment vs. helping an employee raise a child.

Children who will attend college, work in companies, pay taxes.  Children who will make contributions to science, technology, performing arts.  Who will move from dependent children to independent adults poised to purchase the products and services your company produces or provides.  No one would ever want less for a child.  And no one would ever dare limit a child by a diagnosis.  Yet the future for these children rests on their parents — current working parents facing choices that defy description.

So it’s baffling to me that smart, forward-thinking companies seem to place more importance on helping employees care for their pets than to raise their children.   Is it a lack of understanding or a reluctance to get involved?  Or is it a preconceived idea that children with autism will not reach the expectations that many consider to be “typical” of children moving into adulthood so why bother?  No, it can’t be that.

A number of years ago, I worked with parents who sold their home and moved into a small, two-bedroom apartment turning their second bedroom into a therapy room for their child.  They also sold their second car and carried their “change of season” clothes packed into large plastic containers in the trunk of their car.  And just recently, I met parents who are in the throws of bankruptcy because they used every penny they had and maxed out their credit cards to support their child’s needs.  Life-altering choices are being made by employees every day to help their children.

Companies play a pivotal role here.   The same subsidies offered to employees trying to adopt should be offered to employees to help offset the staggering costs of therapies or home-interventions.  Discounts on legal support should be extended to employees in need of a special education attorney to secure a private school for their child.  On-site health fairs should include experts in special needs and special education to enable employees to access supports and resources easily and more cost-effectively.  With health and stress-reduction being core areas of focus in the workplace, few things compare to the financial, family, work, and personal pressures on an employee raising a 6-year-old or 13-year-old with autism.

I have nothing against pets.  Really, no problems at all.  But a problem does exist when supporting tails that wag or fluffy balls that purr seem to take priority.  A disconnect exists — companies are striving and competing to achieve “best company” status yet are overlooking the growing number of working parents desperately needing a lifeline.  Pets and children can live together beautifully both at home and in the workplace, however when a choice needs to be made, the child has to win every time.